Disturbing the Minotaur

“Caves behind waterfalls are supposed to contain treasure! Everyone knows that!” Gadamir protested, brandishing his torch.

“Maybe there’s a secret lever or something.” Sir Tinnar suggested, tapping along the walls of the seemingly final chamber.

Gadamir pointed. “Look, running water! I think something’s behind this wall.”

Sir Tinnar nodded. Then, he reared back, and plunged forward with his warhammer, striking the wall with enough blunt force that the ground beneath them gave way, sending them tumbling down into a dark abyss.

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Dozens of kittens implicated in the world's most adorable heist

The heist had apparently been organized by dozens of smol kitty-kats, most likely a multi-litter coalition, in a devious scheme to vandalize the centerpiece of the museum’s Modern Sculpture exhibit. According to police chief Dick Nickson, “this is exactly the rise in crime that cities all over America are facing today.” Nickson showed us police sketches of the suspects, including the orange cat that distracted Lollicino, which everyone at the station had taken to calling Wuggles. “We need to protect our hard-working American families from these criminal scum,” Nickson added while stabbing his finger at the precious snoot on one of their fuzzy faces. Nickson added, “These hoodlums cannot get away with blatantly disrespecting the paw—sorry, law.”

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Student Cars Shabbier than Ever

“I admittedly have to add a bunch of lead to the gas tank in order to get out of my parking spot,” said Gavin, 20, “but it makes sense to use fossil fuels for such a fossil car—” Gavin was then cut off from speaking by the guttural sounds coming from his Geo Metro, whose muffler had fallen off months ago.

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